Guilty by confession

I stand alone

against the crowds

do you hear me

cut off on my own

amidst a sea

different faces

i drift alone

tempted

fated

alone

soft her body is
like the goddess of love herself
tinted milky chocolate
aphrodisiacal just by sight
tender like lips do pout
like a flower bud blossoming
touch lightly
damage not this delicate gem
for once tainted
it will never be the same

Beads of tears do i sweat from my eyes
constant reminder to what i have done
irreversible the process of my thought
though gladly i would wind back the hands of time
to a time when love was love
and not what it has become
twisted into a jealous mistrusting beast
residing within both you and i
preying off the affections that we offer each other
till what was once loved
now lies forgotten
a memory is what we may become
not willingly will i allow it to take place
nothing will ever change it in my heart
your tender love
my soul longing awaits
to none other might i bow
none other shall i take for your place
and humbly in silence i will wait
till that day that my life collides with thy fate.

Tis the wee hours of morn
as i lay me to bed
wakeing dreams that i no longer bear
this life this love that i hope still lingers
but like the smoke from a cigarette
you slowly dissaperate
within my grasps you start to fade
always around like the tobacco scented air
but non-substancial enough for a gentle caress
memories of us come fleetingly
haunting me
vissions of this dearful sights
whisper to me amidst my half slumber
tears that should be here refuse to fall
in refusing them i hope that we are not all lost
not all lost
not all lost at all
naked i feel i may have lost
that which i so desire
that which i so need
contemplating the future is hard to do
vissions never come clear again
……..
you’ll never read this i know
but in case you do
this one’s for you.
its always been me and you in our race
never been anyone else
through the years i’ve stayed faithful
one heart
one love
one soul
but was that enough
sadly not
theres been so much more to us that i have not covered
that you now leave me
it proves that i was not the one
like you were the only one for me.
you’ll find some one better im sure
someone who’ll know what you want before you say it
you’ll find someone who be there for you, like i’ve never been
you’ll find someone who will remember everything you tell them
you’ll find someone who you can built your world around.
you’ll find someone better than i
for i’m not good at all i know….
i’m a rouge, thats all i can ever be
unchanged by time
the bastard of another generation

wish you could see me now
with my hand over my eyes
covering the scars that i hide

my hearts almost gone
with the comfirmation of our deaths
it will be ….

im afraid of the truth now
i fear for the future
the devil lurks beneath my skin
i can feel him
with your departure he comes
creeping
slowly
waiting to claim my soul
.
.
.
.
like the many times before

if this is our last goodbye

the it will be my goodbye.

what ever the case please remember that i do love you
though our relationship be shot
i will always love you.

Mistaken for who i was you came
amidst the sea of shed tears
into my life you sasheyed in
and lay vice like grip upon my heart
many a year has thou clinged
onto this black heart o mine
till now it seems like its too long
the painted summer has turned to ash
and our honeymoon an abrupt end
were we never meant to be
or is this just destiny
i can never hope to sure
for good things never really last for me
the first to die the first to try
i wont keep my breath for me this time
another chance i’d gladly try
but how long will hearts last this time
a time comes when all be clear
perhaps i was never meant to love
a heart so cold and black like mine
truely belongs with him who does not walk this earth
with him whos horns are razor sharp
and skin is scarlet red burning in the night

Try to deny what you claim to be
know that it is within your destiny
using and abusing till you get what’s your right
anyone can be just nothing more than a pawn to thee
friends you will not have
foes a-plenty
look right over your shoulder now and then
for never shall a back-stabber be safe at back
think twice before your next answer
that might be the one to expose your true colours
others might not see whats there now
but soon they will
and what lies beneath your silly smiles
is nothing but a stinking
rancid
odder….

No one can say how much a person can change
no one can tell if that change is forever
strange as it may seem,
when it happens
the last to know is the person himself
.
he walks with a strut
a self knowing of his own self worth
or rather a belief of his own self worth
thinking that he has made his mark on his world
little does he know that
its nothing he has done
but rather what he feels he has done
.
Nothing note-worthy has he accomplished
even in the eyes of his brethren
he is still found lacking
but he don’t see that
he thinks that he has proven his worth
.
such it is with the kids these days
they try so hard to be like the generations before
but they’ll just never measure up
just like mine will never measure up to the likes of heros
they will never match me and mine..
.
The age of heros has came and passed
now is a different age
an age where one just has to look the part to be part
an age where you can just talk and talk
without action
an age where the fist has grown fat
and mouths muscled
an age where the mighty are subdued by their past
and the meek come out to play.
.
welcome to the future….
PUSSY PARADISE

TOUCH not what you should not touch
be warry of who’s toes you tread on
they may be mine
a sleeping dragons just that and should be left be
thought times have changed this heart remains true
still a thug
still a guy
Not in me to let you get by
with a smile on your lips as you pass by
curl up your smile into your face i will
wipe it off with some acid from my belly
cut that grin that you have after you’ve beaten your fill
a person who picks on the weaker sex
is just that…
a pussy
and that is what you are….
wait for it
one day
i will
pussify u motherfucker

suicidal thoughts
excessive worries
wayward moments that i would like to end
this is not what i want
neither what i need
this hopelessness
this feeling of guilt
ensnares me
guilt ridden my beating heart aches
to see a perfect day
one that will never come
times of past
i long to hold
and not to see you fade away
time , if time could stand still
untill i had my fill of thee
never will i tire
of you
why does it seem
that only when i appriciate
that things are taken away from me
dont leave
dont walk away
….

(1) This is too hard
      the climb steep and dangerous
      each setp i take i take in faith
      or rather , forced faith
      placing my feet where i think it might be safe
      but still feeling unsure of it even as i climb on
      the weariness never stops
      i feel out of place , like i dont belong
      how long will this last
      how long will i hold myself as an outcast of society?
      Its not that my peers condemed me or anything,
      its just that sometimes i condem myself
      without any help from anyone else
      when will this feeling of difference stop
      when will i be able to live normally again
      cant stop my life from sliding downhill again if this carries on
      afraid of what the future holds for me….

(2) I am greatful that you waited
     you dont know the joy that i had
     when you said that you would
     and the pain that stabbed me when you went to bangkok
     the excitement that coursed through my veins
     as my day of freedom came closer
     But now as i hold you in my arms
     you seem more distant than ever
     wars rage on every day or two
     why cant we seem to make peace
     its not that i dont love you
     i truely do
     but why do you make loving you so hard to do
     talk of seperation a normality now
     why do you do this to me
     hurting me
     dont you see that each stab that you take at me
     is pushing me further and further away
     my heart is bleeding now
     my bloods draining
     how much more of this can the both of us take
     or are we destined to be apart
     seperated by our own doing…
     dont say that we were not meant to be
     if we can last this long
     why cant we last longer
     like forever….